So I have been trying to avoid writing what I am really thinking lately because what I end up writing is not really pretty. The last three months have really hard on me emotionally, so many things that have happened and that I was not expecting. I thought I was doing OK but obviously that is not the case. I have been crying non stop for dumb reasons and I hate it.
Dan will be leaving for VA this weekend so that he and his brothers can through their dad's stuff. I am glad he is able to go back there and thankful for his kind brother who is helping pay for his ticket, since we were not expecting another trip any time soon and it was not in our budget. I am taking this little trip thing a little too hard for sooo many reasons and I don't mean to sound selfish or anything like that.
Here is the reason why I am so frustrated, we were planning on going back to Guatemala as a family this year. For years we have been talking about it and this was going to be it, the entire family not just me would go for a little vacation. It was going to be a great thing for all of my kids to go and meet their cousins back there and spend time with my extended family. The moment we bought the tickets to go to VA for the funeral I knew that our plans had to be placed on hold. I was really OK at the moment but the more time goes by the more I feel like my chances of going back with my family wont happen... ever. It's like it is not meant to happen. It has been almost 9 years since I went back home 9 YEARS!!! that is not fear.
I have been so homesick in the last 3 weeks and like I said before crying for no reason at all. I hate that I am making Dan feel bad about going back to VA but that really is not my intention. With all the time he has been taking off work I just know that my plans for going back home are not going to work. He said we would find a way, but I doubt it. At least I get to have my mom here for a few months again.
Anyways I will try to stay positive and concentrate on my kids instead. I will be spending lots of time with them next weekend. That is another thing, it will be the first time in my married life that Dan will be away from me and I will stay home with the kids for 4 days, I am going to go insane!!!
I know all this will pass, I will get out of this funk and when I look back it wont seem so bad.
4 comments:
It's hard when your spouse leaves for a while, but just plan lots of things and the time will pass quickly. So sorry about your change of plans, maybe, somehow it will work out. Remember things happen for a reason and continue to trust in the Lord, he can provide comfort you need at this time.
I'm so sorry. I hope that everything starts to look up for you. You are such a strong person. You have gone through a lot in the last little bit, so its okay to be emotional for a while!
I agree with Kawa... it is okay to be emotional. You have gone throguh so many things! I don't bame you for being sad. I would be sad too. You and the kids are more than welcome to come over as much as you want while Dan is gone. You know that, right? When are the exact dates?
That sucks! Ya know what? MONEY SUCKS!..or lack of. Hang in there and things will work out some how.
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