Surgery... what did you think? I know from what I have talked to other people about my upcoming surgery that it is not a big deal, well guess what? It's my life it's my body and it is me the one that is going to end up on the cutting table so allow me to be scared and make a big deal out of it. There.... I feel better now :)
It's just funny that every time someone asks me about it they start telling me how this is not like other surgeries since I will be going home the same day just a few hours after it is all done. I get that, believe me and I am glad it is nothing major but I still can't get this horrible feeling that I am going to be there on a table asleep and anything could happen, specially after I signed the waver for the doctor in case something goes wrong like malfunction of the instruments??? I don't mean to sound like my 10 year old boy but "what exactly does that mean?" I am praying that I wont be that 1% that has to find out about it. Anyways I am not thinking that I am going to die or anything like that, it is just the fear of the unknown and the fact that there is going to be a lot of pain, constant pain. I HATE pain and don't like dealing with it at all. I really hope the recovery is as fast as they say and that I will be able to feel better after the 2 weeks because summer is just starting and the surgery happens to be on the first day my kids will be home from school. They were so looking forward to going to the pool everyday on the first week off school and now they will have to just stay home and pamper me (I wish). I do have to be grateful for all the help I have been offered and think that will be taking them up on their offers. My SIL Amber will watch my kids on Monday while Dan and I go together to the slaughter house I mean to the hospital and some people are bringing over dinner that night so that helps a lot. Most of all I am thankful that Dan will be there for me on Monday, for a while we thought we were going to have to reschedule or maybe get someone else to come with me.
So now I am just getting ready for next week, getting some laundry done, tomorrow I will deep clean the bathrooms so they can smell all nice and clean (for a couple of hours right?) and also taking care of things that I wont be able to do while recuperating.
I know some day I will look back on this day and laugh at myself for making such a big deal out of this but for now I think nail biting and worrying is on the menu. Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement, sorry they did not make feel at ease :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sewing is fun!
There are a lot of things that I like to do but sewing is probably my #1 thing. Cake stuff comes easy just because I learned how to do it when I was younger and did it for years for my mom. I do love both activities and they are both an outlet to my craftiness I guess.
Funny thing is that I hated sewing when I was little, I would not pick up a needle if my life depended on it which was the case when I was in school and I almost failed Home Economics because of it...
I always think back to when I was 19 years old and was working for our family business as the secretary, it was lunch time and I was reading the adds in the newspaper. They had a particular add that was showcasing these beautiful sewing machines that looked a lot like the old fashion Singer ones, the price was ridiculously low and I thought to myself that it would be a good idea to buy one. That same day I asked my mom for the money and promised to pay her back as soon as I got payed. My brother took me over the place where they were selling them, it was a huge storage place, the company went bankrupt and needed to get rid of their inventory ASAP. After what seemed like ages we got all the paperwork done and went home with a brand new sewing machine. When I say old fashion I mean it literally. It had the pedal on the bottom that you have to move with your feet so it can work, the faster you pedal the faster it will sew. I had never in my life used a sewing machine before and had no clue how to use it. Our neighbor next door was a seamstress and her husband was a tailor, she had done some dresses for me in the past and I asked her if she didn't mind teaching me how to thread the machine and how to make it work. The husband came over and gave me a 10 minute lesson, he said that was all he was going to teach me because he didn't want me to become their competition.. yeah right. But that is all it took. I spent hours mastering the art of sewing, it was pretty pathetic. My sewing machine came attached to a table so it was very convenient and it had lots of drawers. When I sat to sew and really get into it the table would move all over the place because we had granite floors and they are very slippery. My mom always made fun of me and said that it looked like I was going to take off any moment.
I started sewing pillowcases, then I made my own bedding. Got about 7 yards of some nice flannel with the smilie faces all over it, it turned out really cute. My older brother liked it a lot and asked me to make one for him, then I made one for my mom and pretty soon some friends started to request some for them too.
I tried selling some things but I never have luck with that and it went nowhere so I just did things for my family and friends for free. I was simply enjoying the experience and learning a lot.
My best friend at the time who was 6 years younger than me had a sewing machine that was way better than mine. It was a Singer, it worked with electricity and that was a whole new world for me. She had the instruction book and I taught myself in a day how to make it work. We wanted to use the button hole attachment so bad that we used one of my favorite skirts as a pattern and got some cute fabric, cut the pieces and put it together. The button holes came out pretty nicely and the skirt actually didn't look so bad, from far away of course. I used to come and make use of her sewing machine as much as I could and really enjoyed it. When it was time for me to leave home one of the things that I really had a hard time leaving behind was my sewing machine. I was just getting started and I had to leave it for ever. After I got married I knew that buying a sewing machine was not going to be in the picture for a long time but I really missed it and one day Dan took me to a department store to buy a mini sewing machine. It was more like a toy sewing machine but I did a lot of things with it too. Later on while living in WV I had a friend who loved making quilts and sewing all kinds of things. One day she called me asking me to come help her translate a pattern she had bought at the store. She was making the baby blessing dress for her daughter. I had never seen a pattern before and I found it very interesting that they gave you step by step instructions on how to put it together, what pieces to cut, etc. I wasn't much help because I didn't understand how to read the pattern so she ended up getting help from somebody else but that day changed everything for me. My SIL had a sewing machine that she wasn't using so she let me have it for a while, a sister in the ward had some fabric scraps that she was going to throw away but thought I could use them to make a quilt, she even gave me a book on how to make a Log Cabin Quilt in a day.... everything landed on my lap so I just started working on it. I was pregnant with Victor when I started working on that quilt and finished it for Father's day and gave it to Dan as a present. I used a bed sheet as the backing, didn't spend one single penny and I was able to turn scraps into a quilt, funky looking but still a quilt. When Dan and I got our first credit card he took me to Walmart and bought me a real sewing machine, a Brother. With all kinds of stitches and attachments. I LOVED it! It wasn't until I started working at Hancock Fabrics that I decided to finally try my luck at buying a pattern. Got the fabric for a dress for Shayna and that's how everything started. We were going to go to the Renaissance Fair and I wanted her to look nice so I made her a dress. I liked it so much that I made one for me and then my friend asked me to make one for her too. They were not perfect at all but decent enough to wear them. Then I made a dress for my niece who was in a choir and then her friend asked me to make one for her and payed me for it, that was exciting.
I had since then made my boys baby quilts, lots of dresses and all kinds of cute outfits for Shayna, Kahlan, Halloween costumes, dresses for me, outfits that were on display at Hancock Fabrics, backpacks, diaper bags, skirts for my friend, mended my friend's clothes, etc. etc. I am not the greatest seamstress on earth but I do enjoy sewing. Sadly my awesome Brother sewing machine died a couple of years ago when I let a friend use it. Lucky fur me my husband had bought me a heavy duty sewing machine (Necchi) back in Utah so I still had something to work with but all the fancy stitches that I was able to use before were gone. Last year I got my second Brother sewing machine, this one does fancier stitches and even does letters, I love it.
So recently I decided to try something new. Since I love sewing so much and I always have some kind of project I am working on. I came up with some ideas and put some of my items on auctions. Some sell and some don't but a few of the people that buy them come back and request for more items. I am pretty excited about it and look forward to the auctions every week. Shayna helps me to come up with ideas for the mini quilts that I make, one of them sold a couple of weeks ago and they requested another one. I have been making lots of boy ties, reversible super hero capes, totes and chalkboard mats which seem to be a favorite to many. I hope I can keep doing this because it keeps me entertained and makes me feel like I an doing something in my spare time. I have the office half way set up with my sewing station and was recently given a desk and wall unit by a friend, I am using it to store my fabric that I have been collecting over the years and it feels like a nice working area. I am really enjoying this experience. I would love to find a way to get into a craft fair or something like that so I can go even bigger. For now I am just going to keep doing what I am doing and keep enjoying it. When it gets to be too much I can always take a break :)
Something else that I have been playing with is "up cycling", I have been using old clothing to make Kahlan and even Shayna new clothes, I have turned shirts and socks into leggings, shirts into vests, men ties into boy ties. My next project is to turn some tops I got at Dollar General into dresses for Kahlan and I can't wait to see how they turn out. I have so many ideas in my head it is crazy. I have come a long ways since then and I still have lots to learn but yup, sewing is fun!
A cute pioneer dress I made for one of my nieces back in VA
At the Reconnaissance Fair back when we only had 2 kids.
Hung and Linda Le
Shayna with her first princess dress ever.
Shayna with her pioneer dress.
First fancy dress for a family picture.
Reversible super hero capes, the other side has a Barman logo on it.
Below Aaorn and Tristan sporting their men ties turned into little boy ties.
Above my first mini wall hanging quilt.
A big order I had from a customer.
One of my favorite items, the chalkboard mat.
Another mini quilt and a cute tote with ruffles.
My favorite quilt that already sold, the customer that bought it has been requesting many many more items and I am working on a big order for her right now. She really likes my quilts and requested a toddler bed quilt for her nephew.
Funny thing is that I hated sewing when I was little, I would not pick up a needle if my life depended on it which was the case when I was in school and I almost failed Home Economics because of it...
I always think back to when I was 19 years old and was working for our family business as the secretary, it was lunch time and I was reading the adds in the newspaper. They had a particular add that was showcasing these beautiful sewing machines that looked a lot like the old fashion Singer ones, the price was ridiculously low and I thought to myself that it would be a good idea to buy one. That same day I asked my mom for the money and promised to pay her back as soon as I got payed. My brother took me over the place where they were selling them, it was a huge storage place, the company went bankrupt and needed to get rid of their inventory ASAP. After what seemed like ages we got all the paperwork done and went home with a brand new sewing machine. When I say old fashion I mean it literally. It had the pedal on the bottom that you have to move with your feet so it can work, the faster you pedal the faster it will sew. I had never in my life used a sewing machine before and had no clue how to use it. Our neighbor next door was a seamstress and her husband was a tailor, she had done some dresses for me in the past and I asked her if she didn't mind teaching me how to thread the machine and how to make it work. The husband came over and gave me a 10 minute lesson, he said that was all he was going to teach me because he didn't want me to become their competition.. yeah right. But that is all it took. I spent hours mastering the art of sewing, it was pretty pathetic. My sewing machine came attached to a table so it was very convenient and it had lots of drawers. When I sat to sew and really get into it the table would move all over the place because we had granite floors and they are very slippery. My mom always made fun of me and said that it looked like I was going to take off any moment.
I started sewing pillowcases, then I made my own bedding. Got about 7 yards of some nice flannel with the smilie faces all over it, it turned out really cute. My older brother liked it a lot and asked me to make one for him, then I made one for my mom and pretty soon some friends started to request some for them too.
I tried selling some things but I never have luck with that and it went nowhere so I just did things for my family and friends for free. I was simply enjoying the experience and learning a lot.
My best friend at the time who was 6 years younger than me had a sewing machine that was way better than mine. It was a Singer, it worked with electricity and that was a whole new world for me. She had the instruction book and I taught myself in a day how to make it work. We wanted to use the button hole attachment so bad that we used one of my favorite skirts as a pattern and got some cute fabric, cut the pieces and put it together. The button holes came out pretty nicely and the skirt actually didn't look so bad, from far away of course. I used to come and make use of her sewing machine as much as I could and really enjoyed it. When it was time for me to leave home one of the things that I really had a hard time leaving behind was my sewing machine. I was just getting started and I had to leave it for ever. After I got married I knew that buying a sewing machine was not going to be in the picture for a long time but I really missed it and one day Dan took me to a department store to buy a mini sewing machine. It was more like a toy sewing machine but I did a lot of things with it too. Later on while living in WV I had a friend who loved making quilts and sewing all kinds of things. One day she called me asking me to come help her translate a pattern she had bought at the store. She was making the baby blessing dress for her daughter. I had never seen a pattern before and I found it very interesting that they gave you step by step instructions on how to put it together, what pieces to cut, etc. I wasn't much help because I didn't understand how to read the pattern so she ended up getting help from somebody else but that day changed everything for me. My SIL had a sewing machine that she wasn't using so she let me have it for a while, a sister in the ward had some fabric scraps that she was going to throw away but thought I could use them to make a quilt, she even gave me a book on how to make a Log Cabin Quilt in a day.... everything landed on my lap so I just started working on it. I was pregnant with Victor when I started working on that quilt and finished it for Father's day and gave it to Dan as a present. I used a bed sheet as the backing, didn't spend one single penny and I was able to turn scraps into a quilt, funky looking but still a quilt. When Dan and I got our first credit card he took me to Walmart and bought me a real sewing machine, a Brother. With all kinds of stitches and attachments. I LOVED it! It wasn't until I started working at Hancock Fabrics that I decided to finally try my luck at buying a pattern. Got the fabric for a dress for Shayna and that's how everything started. We were going to go to the Renaissance Fair and I wanted her to look nice so I made her a dress. I liked it so much that I made one for me and then my friend asked me to make one for her too. They were not perfect at all but decent enough to wear them. Then I made a dress for my niece who was in a choir and then her friend asked me to make one for her and payed me for it, that was exciting.
I had since then made my boys baby quilts, lots of dresses and all kinds of cute outfits for Shayna, Kahlan, Halloween costumes, dresses for me, outfits that were on display at Hancock Fabrics, backpacks, diaper bags, skirts for my friend, mended my friend's clothes, etc. etc. I am not the greatest seamstress on earth but I do enjoy sewing. Sadly my awesome Brother sewing machine died a couple of years ago when I let a friend use it. Lucky fur me my husband had bought me a heavy duty sewing machine (Necchi) back in Utah so I still had something to work with but all the fancy stitches that I was able to use before were gone. Last year I got my second Brother sewing machine, this one does fancier stitches and even does letters, I love it.
So recently I decided to try something new. Since I love sewing so much and I always have some kind of project I am working on. I came up with some ideas and put some of my items on auctions. Some sell and some don't but a few of the people that buy them come back and request for more items. I am pretty excited about it and look forward to the auctions every week. Shayna helps me to come up with ideas for the mini quilts that I make, one of them sold a couple of weeks ago and they requested another one. I have been making lots of boy ties, reversible super hero capes, totes and chalkboard mats which seem to be a favorite to many. I hope I can keep doing this because it keeps me entertained and makes me feel like I an doing something in my spare time. I have the office half way set up with my sewing station and was recently given a desk and wall unit by a friend, I am using it to store my fabric that I have been collecting over the years and it feels like a nice working area. I am really enjoying this experience. I would love to find a way to get into a craft fair or something like that so I can go even bigger. For now I am just going to keep doing what I am doing and keep enjoying it. When it gets to be too much I can always take a break :)
Something else that I have been playing with is "up cycling", I have been using old clothing to make Kahlan and even Shayna new clothes, I have turned shirts and socks into leggings, shirts into vests, men ties into boy ties. My next project is to turn some tops I got at Dollar General into dresses for Kahlan and I can't wait to see how they turn out. I have so many ideas in my head it is crazy. I have come a long ways since then and I still have lots to learn but yup, sewing is fun!
Below Aaorn and Tristan sporting their men ties turned into little boy ties.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
The perfect way to ruin a perfect day.
Oh the drama that goes on in my life. I really could do without it for a long long time. This week has been kind of hard to deal with because of different reasons but the worst day of the week goes to Friday. I was really excited about Friday since I was going to get together with a friend who is moving away and we were really looking forward to hanging out one more time. Her kids and mine all had a wonderful time and we talked about all kinds of stuff. I am pretty happy some of my friends are making changes in their lives for the better even though it includes moving away. I am happy for them. The morning was perfect, my little ones did great and we even stopped for some shopping on the way home.
When I got home and decided to relax for a little while I got on the computer and found a couple of emails that just destroyed my day, won't go into the particular of the situations but let's just say that I had a tough time after that and lots of tears were involved.
I hate getting into arguments with people but I think this time it was very much needed. My feeling got hurt big time and I usually let people walk all over me but not that day. I got a phone call after a little exchange of emails and we were able to discuss the situation. "The person who shall not be named" (so we don't get more drama) was willing to hear me out and I let some things out that were bugging me for a long time. I guess it felt good to let it all out and for that person to see where I was coming from. We all say things that hurt others around us and I know we don't mean it most of the time.... at least I don't. I really hope I don't do that too often. Anyways, it was a tough situation and for a while I thought oops... maybe I should not be saying all these, but I was told that my honesty was appreciated. I am glad it happened though, maybe from now on we can have a better relationship.
One thing I have to say is that I might over react a whole lot about somethings but what hurts the most in these situations is that when I think that I am doing a good job or trying my hardest I am told about how badly I am doing or I am not appreciated for what I do.
The one good thing is that I was able to concentrate on getting out of my depressing mood. Called my mom and talked to her for a while and was reminded that I am a good person and she knows how hard I try to please everybody around me.
Later on we had been invited to a birthday party for a friend in the ward and I was really looking forward to that. We had an amazing time with them and some other two families that were there. I was able to forget about the bad things of the day and move on.
The other bad part of the week is about my health issues. I had been taking some medication to deal with a bacteria that I had, that's all done now but on Wednesday I went to see the gastroenterologist about my tummy pains and I felt pretty confident that he was going to tell me the pain will stop now that you are almost done with the meds... yeah that's not gonna happen. He smiled and then said to me that I need surgery. That "S" word oh how much I hate it. He said my symptoms are related to my gallbladder so they need to take it out so there wont be any complications with any future attacks. I am glad that there is a solution to my horrible pain and although going under scares me to death I am looking forward to never complain from that again. He also recommended the colonoscopy and that will be done on May 29th. Hopefully they wont find any polyps but he said if they do they will take them out and do a biopsy. Let me tell you that getting old is not fun.
Next week I have to be on a special diet, zero fiber. I am going to detox my body and that should be a good thing. I can't wait for all these issues to be resolved and then continue with a normal life, being a wife and mom without the stress of not knowing what is going on with me.
When I got home and decided to relax for a little while I got on the computer and found a couple of emails that just destroyed my day, won't go into the particular of the situations but let's just say that I had a tough time after that and lots of tears were involved.
I hate getting into arguments with people but I think this time it was very much needed. My feeling got hurt big time and I usually let people walk all over me but not that day. I got a phone call after a little exchange of emails and we were able to discuss the situation. "The person who shall not be named" (so we don't get more drama) was willing to hear me out and I let some things out that were bugging me for a long time. I guess it felt good to let it all out and for that person to see where I was coming from. We all say things that hurt others around us and I know we don't mean it most of the time.... at least I don't. I really hope I don't do that too often. Anyways, it was a tough situation and for a while I thought oops... maybe I should not be saying all these, but I was told that my honesty was appreciated. I am glad it happened though, maybe from now on we can have a better relationship.
One thing I have to say is that I might over react a whole lot about somethings but what hurts the most in these situations is that when I think that I am doing a good job or trying my hardest I am told about how badly I am doing or I am not appreciated for what I do.
The one good thing is that I was able to concentrate on getting out of my depressing mood. Called my mom and talked to her for a while and was reminded that I am a good person and she knows how hard I try to please everybody around me.
Later on we had been invited to a birthday party for a friend in the ward and I was really looking forward to that. We had an amazing time with them and some other two families that were there. I was able to forget about the bad things of the day and move on.
The other bad part of the week is about my health issues. I had been taking some medication to deal with a bacteria that I had, that's all done now but on Wednesday I went to see the gastroenterologist about my tummy pains and I felt pretty confident that he was going to tell me the pain will stop now that you are almost done with the meds... yeah that's not gonna happen. He smiled and then said to me that I need surgery. That "S" word oh how much I hate it. He said my symptoms are related to my gallbladder so they need to take it out so there wont be any complications with any future attacks. I am glad that there is a solution to my horrible pain and although going under scares me to death I am looking forward to never complain from that again. He also recommended the colonoscopy and that will be done on May 29th. Hopefully they wont find any polyps but he said if they do they will take them out and do a biopsy. Let me tell you that getting old is not fun.
Next week I have to be on a special diet, zero fiber. I am going to detox my body and that should be a good thing. I can't wait for all these issues to be resolved and then continue with a normal life, being a wife and mom without the stress of not knowing what is going on with me.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
What a pain!
I hate it when life gets int he way... there I was enjoying life (more or less) and then a horrible pain took over my life. I have been dealing with some health issues for a while and hoped that they were going to go away but it didn't happen. I kept trying to avoid it as long as I could but my dear husband kept nagging me about making an appointment to go see the doctor and just to get him off my back I finally made the appointment, lucky me I got it for that same day. I do have to say that the clinic I am going to is way better than the previous one so that is a plus. I went in because I have been having lots of abdominal pain and back pain, for some reason they always come together, I thought it was weird when I noticed that my belly was hurting more than my back and then one day there I was in tears thinking I was going to die. I had seen a doctor before but all she gave me was pain medication that literally puts me to sleep for a couple of days. I started taking them when my mom was here with me and she kind of took over for me but since she left I hardly ever take them. So I just braved the pain whenever it came. It is getting ridiculous now so I think it is a good thing I went to see the doctor. I already had an ultrasound done and blood work, turns out my biggest fear (gallbladder stones) is out of the picture... yay! Instead they found I have Helicobacter pylori, a bacteria that most people usually contract when they are kids and the symptoms don't show up until adulthood.... I had never heard of it. But it does scare me that you get it because of poor hygiene. I wash my hands all the time. If anything I am pretty sure I got it while living back home since even the water there is contaminated with all kinds of stuff.
Anyways, they also referred me to a gastroenterologyst to rule out the possibility of polyps in the colon. My brother recently had a colonoscopy and they found some precancerous polyps and his doctor advised him to let us know about it and get tested because he is too young to have them, also since my mom had colon cancer we need to keep an eye on that. So that will be fun, not!
The saddest part of all this is that to treat the bacteria I have to take these strong antibiotics and I have to stop nursing Kahlan.
Here was my plan, I was going to nurse as long as she wanted to, because she is my last baby I was just going to enjoy our bonding time, our special time to cuddle and just look at each other and smile and do our silly little games. I feel like I have been robbed of the most precious thing I have with my baby. The longest I have nursed my babies is 14 months, so I guess we just went one more month with Kahlan. This morning after the doctor called me and advised me to stop nursing I just lost it, went to get Kahlan up from her nap and had our last feeding and I told her how sorry I was for stopping all at once and asked her to understand and be a good baby. That was it, no more feedings since then. She did great all day, I know I will miss it more than she will, it doesn't make it OK for me still, I just hate it when things don't go my way.
She already has her regular meals and drinks regular milk everyday so I think she is already used to it, it was just nice that whenever she was crying or tired I was the only that could make everything all better for her.
Tonight after she woke up from a little nap I was already set up with dinner and a sippy cup full of milk and she didn't even cry, she ate the whole thing, drank her milk and laid down next to me on the floor, she then went to Dan asking him to put some music on and dance with her daddy like they always do every night before she goes to bed. They stopped, she turned around and we said good night to each other and didn't even ask to nurse. So grateful for her sweet spirit and for listening to me, she is being great and hope that it continues that way.
I on the other hand will be in a lot of pain for the next few weeks and soon it will be a thing of the past, on my way to feeling better with my medication and hopefully life will go back to normal again.
So another chapter in my life story comes to an end, it has been a great experience to be a mother 5 times to had been able to nurse them all although some for only a few months but most of them for over a year. Out of all of them Shayna was the best one, I really enjoyed my bonding time with her. I guess the reason why it is so hard for me to stop is because it is the realization that this it it, the end, no more babies. My job as mom continues of course but I feel the difference already, I know I will miss being the source of life for another human being. It is a hard thing to know that that part of my life is done but at the same time I look forward to the new experiences I will have with Kahlan, with all of them. It had to end one day, sooner or later. Am I the only one that feels this way? Is it this hard for everybody?
Anyways, they also referred me to a gastroenterologyst to rule out the possibility of polyps in the colon. My brother recently had a colonoscopy and they found some precancerous polyps and his doctor advised him to let us know about it and get tested because he is too young to have them, also since my mom had colon cancer we need to keep an eye on that. So that will be fun, not!
The saddest part of all this is that to treat the bacteria I have to take these strong antibiotics and I have to stop nursing Kahlan.
Here was my plan, I was going to nurse as long as she wanted to, because she is my last baby I was just going to enjoy our bonding time, our special time to cuddle and just look at each other and smile and do our silly little games. I feel like I have been robbed of the most precious thing I have with my baby. The longest I have nursed my babies is 14 months, so I guess we just went one more month with Kahlan. This morning after the doctor called me and advised me to stop nursing I just lost it, went to get Kahlan up from her nap and had our last feeding and I told her how sorry I was for stopping all at once and asked her to understand and be a good baby. That was it, no more feedings since then. She did great all day, I know I will miss it more than she will, it doesn't make it OK for me still, I just hate it when things don't go my way.
She already has her regular meals and drinks regular milk everyday so I think she is already used to it, it was just nice that whenever she was crying or tired I was the only that could make everything all better for her.
Tonight after she woke up from a little nap I was already set up with dinner and a sippy cup full of milk and she didn't even cry, she ate the whole thing, drank her milk and laid down next to me on the floor, she then went to Dan asking him to put some music on and dance with her daddy like they always do every night before she goes to bed. They stopped, she turned around and we said good night to each other and didn't even ask to nurse. So grateful for her sweet spirit and for listening to me, she is being great and hope that it continues that way.
I on the other hand will be in a lot of pain for the next few weeks and soon it will be a thing of the past, on my way to feeling better with my medication and hopefully life will go back to normal again.
So another chapter in my life story comes to an end, it has been a great experience to be a mother 5 times to had been able to nurse them all although some for only a few months but most of them for over a year. Out of all of them Shayna was the best one, I really enjoyed my bonding time with her. I guess the reason why it is so hard for me to stop is because it is the realization that this it it, the end, no more babies. My job as mom continues of course but I feel the difference already, I know I will miss being the source of life for another human being. It is a hard thing to know that that part of my life is done but at the same time I look forward to the new experiences I will have with Kahlan, with all of them. It had to end one day, sooner or later. Am I the only one that feels this way? Is it this hard for everybody?
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