This is my family

Hello WWW, it has been a while (AGAIN) since I wrote on my blog... every time I hope to keep up with it but life gets in the way ha ha.  In all honesty there have been times that I was able to sit down and write but the words just don't come out right.  Like the other day I wrote this beautiful letter to my oldest daughter and she even read it, we both cried like crazy but never published it because it ended up being too personal.
Anyways we haven't really done much lately. We are glad when the weekend comes because we get to slow down and spend time with the kids. Dan is still working happily at Memorial Herman and that is a great thing, specially since he had to have a procedure done on Friday. It started a few months back when a cyst I guess got infected and he ended up with an abscess. I kept telling him to go see the doctor about it and he did eventually go and they gave him prescriptions to take for a week but it just wasn't getting any better so on Friday after work he stopped at the clinic again (thank goodness for insurance!!!) and the doctor proceeded to open it up and drain it. I will spare you the details on that and I am thankful that I wasn't present at that time because  it is jut not my thing. Although now I am taking care of the wound and it is not fun. Last night we changed the dressing for the first time and there was a lot of blood, this morning I had to help him take a string out of the wound that was there for some important reason I guess but I don't know what that reason was, all I know is that after I pulled on that string and it came out the blood has not stopped coming out at all.  I mean while at church he bleed through his shirt!!!  We came home to change the dressing again and it just would not stop bleeding.  Poor guy, I hope it heels soon because he is in a lot of discomfort and to top it all off he got a migraine too.  We are quite the pair.  I got hurt on Friday while cleaning the house and I am afraid my thumb might be sprained. We will see.
Last week was good, Thanksgiving was great and we had a big juicy turkey, awesome mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn and my awesome rolls, we also had apple pie. I was happy to have Dan home with us too. It felt really good to be together as a family.
Saturday morning we went out to get our family pictures done, Dan wanted to do a photo shoot with our Metallicca shirts on just for fun.  They turn out great but it is just funny how there is always a little bit of drama with the kids.  Victor is afraid of heights and since we were on a bridge he could not stop shaking and crying. It took so much to calm him down and eventually switch locations and our awesome background went away.... at least he wasn't crying in the pictures anymore.
So here are our pictures. Enjoy!!

Comic Palooza

Shayna had been planning for her first Comic adventure for a few months now.  She saved her own money for her outfit, accessories, tickets and expenses there.  She is one awesome girl, she went to the thrift store with her friends which was meant to be because she found her cool red purse, the hat she found at Walmart after weeks of deliberation on what to do about it, we could not find the right shade, shape or texture.... she bought a white one and I told her she could dye it at home.
Her dress of course was made by me and we were lucky to find the fabric at Hancock Fabric for 65% off since they are closing (boo!!!!).

For the dress we ran into a little hiccup, the buttons are way too expensive in my opinion and I wanted to saver her as much money as I could, so Hancock Fabrics to the rescue again, the buttons were on sale as well but they were white, so I suggested she could paint them with her sharpies... it worked and you can't even tell.

The shoes are mine (they are also from the thrift store), the make up took some practicing and the hair... well that was me too but I am not good at that so that's the best we could come up with. The whole process of getting this outfit together was really exciting and in the end we felt very accomplished.  Did she get the look? I think so.
Meet Shayna (Agent Carter).

She had lots of fun with her friends, wish we could have been there to see it all, she was asked by several people to get their picture taken with her. Lots of people complemented her on her outfit and someone walked by her saying "Hail Hydra" lol.
Hopefully next time we will go as a family.




 Now enjoy a bunch of pics because I think she is a beautiful girl and she doesn't  think so herself...I mean just look at her beautiful face, even without the smile she is gorgeous.

 Below is a really bad picture, not because of her but because I had the camera in the wrong setting, but I love her natural smile so there you go.

 I just love her, this look is really good on her :)

 And just because this is my normal child, silly who doesn't care about pictures, this is her in her natural state. Still I can't look that good even if I tried.

Me and my thoughts...

It's not a good thing for me to be up late at night, my brain keeps on thinking and thinking noon stop. I have the TV on but not really watching, I must look like a zombie scrolling down my newsfeed on Facebook, trying to find something that might cheer me up. There are a few quotes and pictures of friends and family that make me feel even worse because they are having a great time. I am not jealous, never have been jealous of other people's headlines, it just makes me think of the times we won't have with Dan in the months to come.
On Sunday, our last Sunday together Shayna had a little breakdown during the sacrament hymn. She loves to sit next to me or Dan every Sunday and when she sits next to him they have their little games going on, it's kind of cute. She suddenly got up and left, I thought she was sick but when I finally found her in the bathroom crying. She was so sad thinking of how she will miss his silly jokes and games. It was heart breaking. Needless to say Dan and I were a mess during the rest of the sacrament meeting. She isn't the only one who is having a hard time, the boys do to and I know that when Saturday comes around it will be really hard.
I am a mess now, I can't imagine what Saturday will be like. Oh please give me strength!

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Daniel got home today after a long day of training, so happy I didn't have to drive down there to pick him up. After dinner we sat down for an impromptu lesson for Family Home Evening, I took charge of it and kind of taught them a lesson I was taught when I was in my teen years.
It was about how trials and hard times help you get stronger, using a piece of paper by itself I showed them how it was not strong enough to carry a lot of weight between two cups, as we went around and listed our own trials in life a fold was made on the piece of paper until each of us shared at least two experiences.  I have to say the kids came up with some good trials. In the end the piece of paper was placed on top of the two cups and was able to hold the weight of a Wii control ( I never doubted it would work of course) and the kids were surprised that it worked.  So the idea is that in order for you to become a strong person you have to go through all these experiences in life, just like Joseph Smith did when he has younger and was persecuted and eventually killed, his mission on this earth was a special and meaningful one. I was able to make my point across by using my personal experience of not having my dad around when I was growing up and finding my own strengths with that experience. During the lesson I was obviously crying, if you have been around me then you know that is what I do best....
We are going through some hard times, I never imagined my life would get so hard. I am not alone, my husband is right beside me and 5 lovely kids who look up to us.  At times I have felt so mad and frustrated, even gotten mad at Heavenly Father for the experiences in the last couple of years but  I know that years from now we will look back and see why we had to go through it.
Now long story short this is what is happening with our family:
Dan lost his job last September, it came out of nowhere and it was devastating, I am surprised at how I was able to deal with it the second time around, two years ago was a nightmare, I cried almost every day for 2 months, we didn't seek help until it was too late.
My poor husband has been  trying to get a job, he did it all, applied and interviewed only to get back a "thank you but no thank you" every single time.
I can say that it is really hard to see your husband feel so down, I know he has felt less than zero and there is nothing I can do or say anymore that can change that, but I keep trying anyways because I know what a smart, hard working person he is.  I don't understand it, really can't grasp the idea that he sacrificed almost 5 years of his life to get his degree with the hope that things were going to get better in the end, I guess we just keep going on this tunnel and keep folding our page to make it stronger. He didn't give up, he had to get a job because once again we ran out of time.  He is currently training with a trucking company, he will be training for two more weeks and after than he will be gone for a long time, at least 3 weeks at a time. This is our life now, surprisingly I am starting to accept this, it is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.  I know he will do great, he has already passed all the tests and got a truck today for the first time and did a great.  Tomorrow he will actually get to drive around on the road and see what is like.
He can't look for another job, he will be locked into a contract for a whole year and after than he can look for something else, closer to home where he won't have to drive as far or he won't be away from home as much.
Our kids are well informed of our current situation, we don't hide it from them, they understand and I am grateful they are such good kids.
Back to the lesson now, after I was done Shayna took my piece of paper and cut it up and showed us hoe if you try to make a necklace from it it is too small and it only fits one person but if you cut it in a special way you can fit the entire family in it, together we can do it... what a great ending to our lesson.
A couple of weeks ago I was writing my post but never published it, I was letting myself go into a deep depression, I could feel it and it wasn't pretty.  I did have a little breakdown today but quickly got over it and felt that my Heavenly Father was comforting me.
I am proud of my husband, he is a great guy.  I feel bad for him because he deserves a lot better and I am sure it will eventually get better, I support him 100% with everything he does.
All we can do now is keep going, keep getting stronger and it will be my job to hold down the fort while he is gone, I have awesome kids that will help me and together we will survive. I know our HF will be there for us, always has been. I pray that Dan will be protected during his travels and thankfully there are so many things out there to keep in contact with him. I am sure we will have a great time video chatting and talking on the phone.
Lastly I just want to share on here how grateful I am for the kindness that was shown to our family during this difficult time, texts, calls, messages, our home teacher who came over one night to give us an envelope with money so we could have a good Christmas, we also got another envelope in the mail from who knows who and it also contained money which was a great help at the right time. The church provided food for our family and we were able to use the Bishop's store house to keep our pantry well stocked with the basic necessities and some bills too.  Huge blessings!