I am feeling blessed.

It has been kind of hard to think about the good side of thing lately (during the last few months actually), I guess we tend to concentrate in the bad things rather than the good things. It comes natural to me and I really need to stop doing that.
Here is a list of the thing that have been hard on me:

-Having to deal with two miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy before finally getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
-Even though I was extremely excited about getting pregnant, being sick for the last 30 weeks have not been fun at all.
-Not being able to have a good summer with the kids this year, even though they know I tried to make it work. The medication to keep me from throwing up kept me passed out most of the summer.
-Being told by my doctor that they found a soft marker for Down Syndrome on my baby....(I will explain this later)
-Being told that I have anemia and now need to take another gross pill to get my iron levels to where they need to be.
-Being told that I have Gestational Diabetes (again) and now that I can finally eat... well I can't :)

I have talked to friends and family members that are close to me about all this issues and probably complained more than I had to but you need to air all of this out right? Other wise you can go insane. They all have been supportive and kind to me but it still makes me feel a little down because I was hoping for the best pregnancy ever, I took a big break to give my body time to feel great for this last pregnancy, I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could being that last time that I get to carry life inside of me... It still is special but it is just not the same.

The hardest thing has been wondering what the outcome of this pregnancy is going to be. When the doctor told me there was something that was not right with the baby it broke my heart and I felt like it was a slap to my face. They told me she has Echogenic Bowl Syndrome, which basically means that her bowl seems a little dense and they usually see that in babies that are born with down syndrome... they are not sure 100% about it and I was supposed to get refereed to a High Risk pregnancy doctor but so far they haven't done that. I have to be honest, when I first heard about it I just cried like crazy, I felt like I really didn't deserve to go through something like that at all, after all the trials to get pregnant and then you are told your idea of a perfect baby is gone. I feel selfish now for having those feelings. After I talked to Dan about it I stopped at a park and prayed to my Heavenly Father to give me the strength to deal with what ever will happen, if she is meant to have DS, it will be OK, I know that now. I have been blessed with understanding and encouragement to deal with it and I know that she will be perfect no matter what and we will love her just the same. I hate it that they had to tell me and have me waiting for the day she arrives to find out if she will be or not.
Heavenly Father does not give us trial that we can't handle, I know that for a fact. I never thought that I could be strong enough to deal with a situation like that but I know he will be with me every step of the way.
The only thing I ask is that people do not look at my baby with pity or feel bad for me, that would just brake my heart. We love her already, we can't wait to meet her and hold her in our arms for the first time. It has been a rough pregnancy, the hardest one I have had to deal with and I can honestly say that we can't wait for it to be over... my body can't take it anymore, everything, EVERYTHING hurts but I know that at the end of the road we will have the cutest baby to hug and love for the rest of our lives and suddenly it doesn't seem too bad anymore.

I have been blessed with a wonderful family, a great husband and kids. I have more blessing that I can count and the list is definitely longer than the one I previously wrote down. I love this time of year and even if I can't enjoy a big meal for Thanksgiving I know that my life will be for ever full with all the blessings Heavenly Father has given me.
Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

My birthday... not so fun.

I decided to officially cancel my birthday for this year due to a massive attack of the flu to my dear family.
I just don't know if I should cry or what. It all started last week with Dan and Tristan getting sick first and then me and my mom. We are slowly recuperating but now my Aaron is also sick with the flu, a really bad ear infection and respiratory issues. The poor thing had a seizure Saturday night after throwing up due to his high fever and I didn't even know it. He started acting kind of funny and did not make any sense at all. I feel so bad for not taking him to the ER right then and there but now I know what a seizure looks like... The doctor gave him TONS of medications and we are hoping he can feel better soon. He got a cute mask to go with the breathing treatments that we have to do at home, my poor boy. He had RSV about 3 years ago and he got to have a breathing treatment at home but his time is different, he was wheezing but his oxygen levels were fine, so he is getting 2 puffs of two different medications twice a day, he will do one of the medications for a month and we will see how he is doing by Thursday back with his doctor and then she will decide if he can stop one of the medications...
And so my birthday is on hold, I am not up to 100% yet, I can't taste anything so there is no point going out to eat, my body aches so no going to the movies or anything.
My mom was crying this morning because she really wanted to cook this really yummy meal for my birthday and make me a cake but she is also sick and I don't want her to work hard right now. Wish us luck and that the sickness can leave my home soon, I can't take this anymore!!!

Aaron turns 4

So I am giving myself the award for the worst mom ever for taking me this long to post about Aaron's birthday. Just because he is the last one it doesn't mean we love him any less or his birthday is less important... it's just me and being sick all the time that has not allowed me to sit down in the office and actually upload the pics and write about.
Aaron turned 4 on October 12, he was a very happy boy waiting and waiting for his birthday to come. We did not have a birthday party for him because the school wont allow me to send invitations to his friends and I just didn't know what else to do. Since his birthday was on a Tuesday we figured we would start the celebration earlier and we gave him his presents on Sunday when the whole family was at home and that way he didn't have to wait until after work to give him his presents. Yes horrible mom again did not want to wrap the presents so we just made him close his eyes and wait for them... he actually liked it very much. He got a cool construction site thingy that he just loves, magic markers that only work on a special paper (for my own peace of mind), a singing stuffed animal that is my favorite toy in the whole world, a little battle mouse that talks all the time and walks all over the place, cars and many other things. On Tuesday for his actual birthday I made him his birthday cake, nothing fancy just a race track with 4 cars since he was turning 4 and he just loved it. Funny thing is that I had it on top of the stove to keep it safe from the little fingers and I forgot the oven was still on, the cake melted in the back and so did the cars.... see??? Horrible mom.
That night we took him to Chuck E Cheese's to celebrate and spent almost 200 tokens playing for a couple of hours and we got a good amount of tickets to trade in, Aaron got to pick most of the stuff for him but the other kids also got some goodies. He was very happy and I am glad he enjoyed his two day celebration.


I just want to say for the record that Aaron is a bright little boy with lots of imagination, some times way too much (he tells me stories of how things happen around him even though we know he is the one doing it). He is very enthusiastic about school and absolutely loves Tristan, he says he is his bestest friend. He has a crush on his PK teacher and I think she does too :) He is learning how to be helpful and trying really hard to clean up after himself. He is a joy to have around and we love him so so much. I can't believe he is 4 already!!