What a pain!

I hate it when life gets int he way... there I was enjoying life (more or less) and then a horrible pain took over my life.  I have been dealing with some health issues for a while and hoped that they were going to go away but it didn't happen.  I kept trying to avoid it as long as I could but my dear husband kept nagging me about making an appointment to go see the doctor and just to get him off my back I finally made the appointment, lucky me I got it for that same day.  I do have to say that the clinic I am going to is way better than the previous one so that is a plus.  I went in because I have been having lots of abdominal pain and back pain, for some reason they always come together, I thought it was weird when I noticed that my belly was hurting more than my back and then one day there I was in tears thinking I was going to die.  I had seen a doctor before but all she gave me was pain medication that literally puts me to sleep for a couple of days.  I started taking them when my mom was here with me and she kind of took over for me but since she left I hardly ever take them.  So I just braved the pain whenever it came.  It is getting ridiculous now so I think it is a good thing I went to see the doctor.  I already had an ultrasound done and blood work, turns out my biggest fear (gallbladder stones) is out of the picture... yay! Instead they found I have Helicobacter pylori, a bacteria that most people usually contract when they are kids and the symptoms don't show up until adulthood.... I had never heard of it.  But it does scare me that you get it because of poor hygiene.  I wash my hands all the time.  If anything I am pretty sure I got it while living back home since even the water there is contaminated with all kinds of stuff.  
Anyways, they also referred me to a gastroenterologyst to rule out the possibility of polyps in the colon.  My brother recently had a colonoscopy and they found some precancerous  polyps and his doctor advised him to let us know about it and get tested because he is too young to have them, also since my mom had colon cancer we need to keep an eye on that.  So that will be fun, not! 
The saddest part of all this is that to treat the bacteria I have to take these strong antibiotics and I have to stop nursing Kahlan.
Here was my plan, I was going to nurse as long as she wanted to, because she is my last baby I was just going to enjoy our bonding time, our special time to cuddle and just look at each other and smile and do our silly little games.  I feel like I have been robbed of the most precious thing I have with my baby.  The longest I have nursed my babies is 14 months, so I guess we just went one more month with Kahlan.  This morning after the doctor called me and advised me to stop nursing I just lost it, went to get Kahlan up from her nap and had our last feeding and I told her how sorry I was for stopping all at once and asked her to understand and be a good baby.  That was it, no more feedings since then.  She did great all day, I know I will miss it more than she will, it doesn't make it OK for me still, I just hate it when things don't go my way.
She already has her regular meals and drinks regular milk everyday so I think she is already used to it, it was just nice that whenever she was crying or tired I was the only that could make everything all better for her.  
Tonight after she woke up from a little nap I was already set up with dinner and a sippy cup full of milk and she didn't even cry, she ate the whole thing, drank her milk and laid down next to me on the floor, she then went to Dan asking him to put some music on and dance with her daddy like they always do every night before she goes to bed. They stopped, she turned around and we said good night to each other and didn't even ask to nurse.  So grateful for her sweet spirit and for listening to me, she is being great and hope that it continues that way. 
I on the other hand will be in a lot of pain for the next few weeks and soon it will be a thing of the past, on my way to feeling better with my medication and hopefully life will go back to normal again.
So another chapter in my life story comes to an end, it has been a great experience to be a mother 5 times to had been able to nurse them all although some for only a few months but most of them for over a year.  Out of all of them Shayna was the best one, I really enjoyed my bonding time with her.  I guess the reason why it is so hard for me to stop is because it is the realization that this it it, the end, no more babies. My job as mom continues of course but I feel the difference already, I know I will miss being the source of life for another human being. It is a hard thing to know that that part of my life is done but at the same time I look forward to the new experiences I will have with Kahlan, with all of them.  It had to end one day, sooner or later.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  Is it this hard for everybody?