11 years and some months ago I became a mother for the first time, it has been a life changing experience and has brought me so much joy and an understanding of the love my Heavenly Father feels for every single one of his children. After having my first baby I never thought possible to love another human being as much as I loved my Shayna and I felt guilty for bringing another little one fearing that she would no longer feel loved. To my surprise that love grew bigger and I understood that you can love more than one child and just as much. As we kept adding more and more babies to our family my life became overflowed with love, more than I ever thought possible and I am so grateful for it. Each and every one of my kids has brought me so much happiness and experiences to grow as woman and a mother. It has been a learning experience for me and though there has been moments when I have not felt fitted to be a mother, at night when they are all asleep and I go to kiss them all is forgotten for a moment and that love makes it all better.
I don't think a woman feels truly a woman until she has become a mother and while I say that I am also thinking of my dear friends who have not been able to have babies of their own. I suffer with them, I cry for them and pray that some day, somehow they will have their wishes come true and share all the love they have. I know they are meant to be mothers, I know they will be one day. I don't know why the dream of becoming a mother can't happen for some, I don't understand it and it's really hard to find the words to give them hope and comfort.
I also think of the mothers that are not ready and have to give up their precious babies up for adoption, how hard it must be to make a decision like that. How hard it must be to live the rest of your life knowing that out there somewhere is a child of yours that might never know you exist and to wonder what life would be if only you could have kept them. But also thanks to those people who know that they wont be able to provide the love or the means to bring up that baby somebody, some couple will have the opportunity to give that child what he or she needs in this world.
Then I think of what a powerful thing it is to be a mother, the power to create life, to carry it for 9 months and to have this special connection with that little person inside of you, to feel those little kicks and twists and turns, what a special thing to be a mother. I am so grateful to be one, to have had the experience to bring my 5 little ones into this world and share with them the rest of my life, I am grateful that I get to see their happy faces every day and kiss them and love them for ever. Yes it is a big responsibility over my shoulders, to be the best example I can for them but it doesn't compare to anything else and there is nothing I rather be doing that being the mother.
I still cry for my little one that I lost, for the one that I did not get a chance to hold and get to know, it is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life and even though it was a hard time I have moved on and understand that one day I will get the chance to meet her/him and then our family will be complete.
I love being a mother.
1 comment:
Beautifully put!
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