Finding Me

A few years back I looked at the mirror and the reflection I saw there was not me, it scared me that I could not see me in there at all.  Maybe the eyes looked the same and the hair, but other than that there was a person that I could not recognize.  I don't know how it happened, I guess we were too busy living life and I forgot to pay attention to me.

I remember when we first got married with Dan and all the things we did together, then Shayna came along and we adjusted to life as parents, one by one each of the kids brought so much happiness and excitement so why then my face did not look the same?  

I honestly can tell that physically I had changed, inside I am still me, maybe a little stronger and a little wiser but still the same old me.

What each pregnancy did to my body is just crazy, I gained almost 60 lbs with my first baby. I did manage to go back down in size and weight and just before I got pregnant with Victor I still looked like me.  After Victor the weight came off easier and faster, it wasn't until I had Tristan that I started to notice the pounds were not coming off easily and some times at all.  I was left with 10 extra pounds that I battled to get off constantly.  After we moved to Utah I just kept putting the weight on, no matter how hard I tried to get skinnier it didn't help.  I guess you can say that I kind of gave up for a while, maybe a couple of years and then I got pregnant with Aaron.  During that pregnancy I had an eye opener, during my visits to the doctor's office they found that I once again had to deal with GD (gestational diabetes) and the doctor stressed out how important it was that I kept active and followed a healthy diet, for the sake of the baby I did and it worked, I only gained 16 lbs with that pregnancy.  My doctor was so proud of me and the fact that they didn't have to prescribe insulin at all.

Fast forward a couple of years and we have our move to Texas, I was 20 lbs over my ideal weight, another 10 lbs that would not go away.  I still did not follow the advice of the doctor then and didn't eat quite as healthy as I should have been, I made some changes to our diet as a family so we didn't intake a lot of meat, I had been doing that for a while anyways.  But I do remember that when we first moved here I was very active, walking every day and maybe a little stressed about finding a house but I thought I was doing better.  Still the weight just kept coming back and gaining more each year.  

I did a few diets, nothing worked, kept walking and using the bike, even got a treadmill and still didn't work.

I gave up again and then Dan and I did a diet together and he lost about 30 lbs, I only lost 10.... to once again gain it all back.

When we finally decided it was time to have another baby I was a little concerned about my health every time I got on the scale, I did get sick as usual (morning sickness is a killer for me) and eventually developed GD again.... I was devastated of course but at the same time I was pushed to follow a healthier diet from that point on.  

Food is probably my biggest weakness.  I cook really good meals and some times I just can''t help myself so having a diet to follow was a very good thing for me a that point.  Since I was already overweight based on my height I really did not want to gain 30 lbs + again, I guess you can say I was grateful to get GT (but not really).

I got sent to a specialist and he really opened my eyes for good this time around. He gave me the facts and explained how important it was that I followed this "diet" to the letter and to keep it with me for the rest of my life, he said to not see it as a diet but as a way of life instead and that right there did it for me.  

Sure it has been a long process and a painful one at that, but I am working on it every day.  Sure I still go out and eat every once in a while but I am more aware of the damage I can do to my body if I don't follow it through.  

So after Kahlan was born I stuck with it, not perfectly but I kept trying, I have to say that the hardest times were when my mom came to visit, with all the great cooking I always managed to get some weight on me.

This last time I begged her to not get mad at me about not letting her cook but I really have a hard time saying no to her food, it is comfort foo at its best. It was really hard for her but she understood (most of the time)

Anyways, after my surgery I promised myself that I would take care, better care of myself. My chances of getting Diabetes type 2 now are at 75% more than anyone else, because I am Latina and because I had GD with 3 out of 5 pregnancies.  I know that I posted about this a a while back but I really don't want to deal with insulin for the rest of my life and I am on a battle to reverse that 75% 

Well my hard work has finally payed off.  I did have a diet that I followed for 15 days last year and it helped me get rid of the stubborn 10 lbs post Kahlan, with a lot of work I got to a point where I felt that a little more helped was needed and so I joined a gym, not paying lots of money for it and I only go twice a week but WOW!!!!!! it has made the whole difference.  I have lost inches off my waist, thighs and arms.  It doesn't really show that much but I can feel it and see it myself.  Even Dan told me the other night that he saw the change.  I mean, my pants are so loose and comfortable.  I literally have to wear a belt to make them stay.  I have been able to dig clothes out of my closet that I had not been able to wear for the  last 4 years.

I am building muscle more than anything and haven't lost a lot of weight in this last month but I love the results so far, I am reshaping my body and I found my waist again!!!  I still have lots of work to do and planning on doing a big reveal around June, I will take some pics to show the difference and hoping that even if I only lose 10 lbs more, I will feel better about myself.  

I started to look at the mirror again with a little smile on my face I think I can see me a little bit in there.

Here are some pics from about 2 years ago and even a few months ago and some pics from now.  My favorite is the one with the dress I wore to Tristan's baptism back in September, it is probably my favorite dress and I wasn't able to get past the second whole on my belt, I put it on today and I was able to go down to the 4th whole, how cool is that?

 The picture above is from October 2011, I was still nursing Kahlan at the time, hence the big boobs :) The picture below was taken today as you can see the top is a little bit more loose. This was the heaviest I had been my whole life without being pregnant. I have lost 28-30 lbs to this day.

 This is what inspired me to write about this today, look at the two pics below, same skirt and top but you can fit my whole fist in the skirt.  So embarrased to say but the skirt is a size 12.... yeah it was getting bad.

 Awesome!!

 This pic above was taken last year in October too, my favorite dress because it used to hidd my fatness.  Two pics below show how much better the dress looks on me, there is a waist in there.

 Cool!

 I had not been able to fit into a size 8 skirt in years, this skirt right here is a size 6, yes a size 6!!!

And here is my favorite picture of today, this top I wore for the last time some time in 2009, why do I remember that?  Because it was one of my favorite tops ever and I could not button it up at all.  My bra size went down from 36 to 34 and that is a big difference.  

I am not close to my goal but so far I like the results and hope that with this post I have a way to remind myself of my ultimate goal which is to have a healthier body all the way around.  I can already see the difference in my energy level, it used to be at zero but now I feel like I want to go go go all the time.  Rarely take naps and love getting my gym clothes on.  Keep going me, I CAN DO IT!!!!