Strike two

I know Dan wont be very happy about me writing this on my blog, but I feel that it needs to be written down and let my feelings out, which I am still trying to figure out what they are. Yesterday was a tough day in fact the last 4 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. Let's start from the beginning, about 4 weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant again, I promise you that we did not intend to get pregnant this quick, we were going to wait at least a month so when I noticed that I might be pregnant, went to the store and got a pregnancy test which came back positive. For the next few days I did 4 more tests and each one came back with the same answer. When I told Dan he was just as surprised as I was. Time came to go have an ultrasound done at the doctor to check on the cysts they found back in August. The ultrasound was showing something in my uterus and since the doctor didn't know I was expecting again she freaked out a little bit, I did explain to her that I had taken 5 pregnancy test at home, so she then asked me to go and have some blood work done so they can make sure that I was indeed pregnant. I got it done on a Monday and then on a Wednesday, from there things just got weird. I kept getting calls from the doctor's office telling me to go a get another ultrasound done because the results were not what she was expecting, so I did, then the ultrasound was not showing what they wanted to see so then sent me to get my blood work done again, then the results were to high and finally yesterday morning they call me to come in ASAP to confirm that the pregnancy was happening in the uterus. When I went in yesterday the doctor told me that two thing might be happening, either I was carrying twins or it was in fact an ectopic pregnancy. My first thought was cool, let it be twins that sounds more fun, the second one was the one that had been clouding my thoughts for a while now and I just did not want it to be it. The doctors proceeded to look at my uterus and there was a sack, a beautiful and perfectly shaped circle, but the face of the doctor when she told me she saw the sack was not happy at all, she then told me that there was some fluid in the left tube and she was 100% sure it was an ectopic pregnancy and then told me I needed to make a decision about the next step. Surgery the next day or taking a shot that would dissolve the pregnancy. I felt like a huge weight was placed on my lap and it was up to me in the next few minutes to decide, I sent Dan a text and let him know what was going on and he freaked out just as I did, he managed to leave work early so he could go get the kids from school for me and I started making phone calls to see who could babysit for me, of course it was one of those days when people did not answer their phone :(
I made the decision and opted for the shot instead and the doctor sent me straight to the hospital to get it done, Aaron was with me the entire rime and he was such a good boy, never cried or anything, he just sat where I told him to and did not move. At the hospital I was sent to the postpartum area and they put me in a room and was in a gown waiting for the shot to be given to me, Dan finally came to get Aaron home and I was able to see the guys in the room for like 10 seconds, they all look concerned and had no idea what was going on, I could not stop crying because their faces looked so sad, when Aaron got home he told Dan "so we are not going to see mami anymore?", too sad. They gave me the shot and I had to wait for hours, they brought me dinner and I watched TV the entire time, tried to sleep but there was no luck. They were going to keep me over night to keep an eye on me but my vitals were normal the entire time so they let me go home, plus they knew I needed to be home with my family. The whole experience was so nerve racking and stressful, the medication did not hurt and I was in no pain, I have been feeling great physically for the last weeks and did have some kind of night sickness the entire time, other than that, I was fine. It is so depressing having to go through all this and not being able to get pregnant like I have in the past, why is this happening to me now? As I was driving back home last night a feeling of comfort came over me and I just knew that everything would be fine, I know in my heart that we are supposed to bring one more baby into our family, I felt it last night again. I don't know why this happened and I wont question it anymore but I know we are meant to have one more little one in our lives. With the shot they gave me last night I was advised strongly not to get pregnant in the next 6 months so we will stick to that and try again next year.
Dan has been great and was making sure that I was OK, I can tell he is suffering with me as well and that it is a tough time for him emotionally, he has been attending to my needs and the kids and I just love him so much. I try to be strong and tough but I really appreciate all the help he gives me.
So now you know what kind of day I had yesterday.