Memories

It has been 26 years since the death of my father. I know that is hard to believe it and even after all these years it hurts to think about it. My dad was born in 1950, he died just a few days after he turned 32. For years I have been worried about turning 32 because I used to think that I would die just like my dad after reaching the same age. I know it is silly but some things scar you for life.
I know my Dad wasn’t perfect, but I love the memories I have of him and treasure those few memories of him. I remember as a little girl how he was a very active person, he loved playing soccer with his friends. He had lots of friends, in fact I think everybody loved him. I have met so many people that as soon as they found out my last name was Gonzalez they immediately asked if I was related to him. As soon as they knew I was his daughter they would start telling me all these stories about him and even cried with me telling me what a great and special person he was.
Before he died he wrote the story of how he met my Mom and the changes in his life after meeting her and getting baptized. He used to be a hippie and I have pictures to prove it. I am not proud of it, but it is part of who he was. He had a brother who was a bishop and tried to convert him for years, but he wasn’t interested. One day the missionaries came to the house and then he decided to get baptized after the first discussion. From then on he turned his life around and dedicated himself to the church. He loved serving people, helping everybody and was a great missionary by converting a lot of people in the neighborhood.
He was a very smart guy and knew everything about mechanics. He built his own business from the ground up. He loved to take pictures and it is interesting because when he was alive we had lots of pictures, but after his death we only have a few of us growing up. I think that is the reason why I take so many pictures.
He was diagnosed with cancer and 7 months later he died. I remember a lot about those last days, he died 14 days after I tuned 6 years old. I have missed him so much and growing up without him was the hardest thing in my life. I know that he was always with me and he has been my inspiration my whole life. He was a kind person and had so much to live for.
I would like to think that he has been working all this time helping a lot of people on the other side. I am sure he has been a great missionary there too. In my entire life I have had only two dreams with my Dad, in one of them he came home to say goodbye to me, he sat me on his lap and asked about school and my brothers, he told me to be good to my Mom and then he left. I don’t remember if he ever said bye to me in real life, but I am sure that he did. Anyways that dream is so special to me and every night I go to sleep hoping that he will come in my dreams and talk to me. So far it hasn’t happened yet. November was a tough month for me full of all kinds of emotions, more than I have had all year long. I was very depressed last week and mostly because it has been years since I went to visit my Dad’s grave and leave flowers. It is a big thing for me not to be able to do it. I realized this year that the reason why I like to decorate for Christmas is because my Dad is the one that used to do it for us, he made the house look very nice, it made us feel happy and I miss that, my Mom didn’t do it after he died, because it just made her sad. The pictures on this post are of my Dad when he was 16 years old and in the other one I am sitting next to him, this was just a few months before he died. He was so skinny then.