I really didn't know where to go with this post because it is not specific. I have learned so much in this life and hope to learn so much more. I don't consider myself a wise woman and I thought that by this point in my life I would know everything there is to know to life and family, kids... everything really.
From a very young age I learned that life is hard, plane and simple one day my world as I knew it came to a complete stop and I was faced with a new kind of life that I did not know existed. All I knew was that one day my brothers and I were sent to stay with one of my aunts and we spent the whole night playing around, having fun while at home my mom was dealing with the death of my dad.
We had no clue, I mean we knew he was sick, I knew he had to be in bed all the time because he had all those tubes coming out of him and he looked so different than before. But that night we didn't know that he was done being sick, that his poor frail and skinny body had had enough and it was time for him to go. Grown ups have a funny way to keep kids occupied so they don't worry and I really hope they had not done that to me, I wish I had been there to say good bye for the last time, I have lived with the guilt that I was having fun while my dad was dying... I know it is silly to think that way but that is how I feel. Sure I understand that my mom was probably a mess and probably did not need three kids asking all kinds of questions. It wasn't until the next day that we came back to the house and I remember (very vaguely now) that there were lots of cars in front of my house, lots of people wearing black and crying, including my mom and I will never forget how when I asked her where my dad was she said he was dead and my little brain did not register what she was saying. I looked for him and did not find him, later on somebody picked me up to see him inside his coffin and that was it, the last time I saw my dad. From that point on life around me was all about feeling alone even though I still had my mom and brothers. I grew up a very depressed child and teenager. All I saw around me was how mean people can be and some times those close to you. I always knew there were going to be better days and I am so glad they came, life is still hard some times but it is plenty fun and full of blessings too, I mean look at my happy little family, we are together, we have each other and there is a lot of love around us. We are what we make of ourselves, life is tough but it is up to us to be able to live through it. I know there are people that seem to be going through life with no problems at all and that is when we feel that life is not fair but we will never know how life really is like for them. I don't really wish my life was different now, I did when I was little but can you blame me? All my cousins were well off, they didn't have to worry about things like I did, they had a real house, they didn't have to worry about money.
I finally understood one day that all those experiences really made me stronger.
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