Trip to Guatemala (cancelled)

Last year I was able to finally get all my ducks in a row and was super excited to start planning my trip to Guatemala.
My mom was super excited and would give her updates on the progress I was making gathering what I needed to get my passport, buying the ticket and finally getting that date set.
My cousins were excited to know I was coming and were planning a big gathering with all of our family members so they could see me. My mom and I planned things to do, day trips to some special places and the food we would eat. I remember the week before I was supposed to leave, she told me about all the fruit she found and the meals she was going to prepare for me. At that point the virus was starting to spread faster and to many other countries... we were starting to feel a little worried that maybe the trip was not going to happen. Day by day we would update each other on what was going on. Finally things got more complicated and I decided that it would be best to postpone the trip, borders were starting to close and then finally Covid-19 cases started to show up in Guatemala. I made the tough decision to cancel my plans, with a broken heart but knowing that it was for the best. My cousins were devastated too but knew that it was for the best.
I moved my dates to the end of  May and now here I am 9 days away from my possible trip and it looks like we will have to move it once more.
I will be honest and say that this does not seem fair, but honestly when I think about it... my mom is healthy, no one in my extended family has gotten the virus and I pray they don't. As long as they are OK, my time will come and I will get to see them all again.
I am still super sad that this happened and things didn't work out the way they were supposed to. I don't understand why after so many years of trying to get back home, when it finally seemed so perfect, this happened. It doesn't seem fair.
My mom and I keep reporting back to each other on how things are going, everyday we do a check in. It is funny because it is always the same, but it makes us feel better knowing that we are OK.
So I guess, now I just wait and see if I can move my flight to maybe in the fall?  Crossing my fingers.

Dear blog,
It is May 21st of 2020 and it seems crazy to me that we are this far in to the year. This year was supposed to be different for me, this year I was supposed to go back to my home country and enjoy time with family, recharge my "chapina" batteries. Little did I know that life was going to take a turn for the worse.
We are living the crazy time of quarantine at home due to Covid-19. I have been working from home since March, my boss finally told my coworker (Jeremy) and I to leave the office that same day and start working from home then. We had set up an event for the following week and I was excited to see what "school" events were all about. Sadly all our plans had to be placed on hold and ever since we have been living a different kind of life... well for most people it is different, for us not so much. Dan and I enjoy just being home with the kids and after work we have our dinner and hang out with them if they feel like it.
The kids stopped going to school at the same time we did of course, Kahlan and Tristan were not so happy with the news but they have managed to survive without seeing their friends. The rest of the gang are OK not going to school.
Victor is graduating this year and it makes me super sad that we won't be able to have a normal graduation. The hope is that by July we can actually have a ceremony at the Turner Stadium right across the street from us, but is not 100% sure yet. Last week we were able to go get his cap and gown and that at least made it feel more normal.
About 2 weeks ago we went to get his Senior Pictures taken in Old Humble, he surprisingly has been enjoying the attention he has been getting with his "senior" status. We were invited to join a group on Facebook were people adopted kids to bring them goodies and to celebrate them because it really is sad that they can't celebrate like any other kids would have been able to.
He got little gifts, decorations outside and special treats from people that don't even know him. He loved everything!!
Victor has been sacrificing his space so that I can work from home, his room became my office during the day and have all my stuff on his desk. Dan is working in our bedroom and the kids spend most of their time watching show on TV, doing homework or playing games. Aaron and Kahlan had been getting in trouble for not doing all their work, but we are able to bring them back to where they are supposed to be.
Shauna continues to go to work, she is considered a "essential worker" at Cookie Crumble. People still went to the store during this pandemic.
Church has been different with us having sacrament at home, but it feels good that we are able to do that with our family. Victor, Tristan and Aaron take care of it every Sunday for us.
We try to keep FHE going every week, some times we fail. This Monday we went on a family walk, it felt good to have everyone with us. Shayna doesn't like going out on walks, specially when is hot outside but she came anyways.
I will try to write down everything that I can remember that has happened lately and what is really important to me. It might take a few posts.

Lost and found.

A post I wrote in the last 2 years but never published...

It has been way too long. I have started a post 3 times before in the last few years. I write them all up and then never publish them. I don't know why I even do that. No one will read my blog, no one has since I stopped writing.
You see what happened to me was a sad thing. I let the failures and really bad moments of 20014-2016 keep me down really bad.
All the struggles that we went through, all the dead end moments that I did not want to share with anyone, those were the things that kept me from writing and at the same time I think it could have helped me to stay a firm course and find more happiness in those bad moments.
Our lives were turned upside down and when I sit here and think of all the struggles, tears, and really low self esteem, it breaks my heart... at the same time I am amazed at how strong we were and somehow managed to keep crawling at times. Yes, it has not been easy but here we are, years lost, time lost in self pity, crying out loud and in secret. Yet we are still together, all of us, Dan and I and all our crazy kid. Those kids have seen us at our lowest and have seen us get up and keep going, it is because of them that we are still going.
I lost myself in this big mess, I tried so hard to remain the same, faithful to my testimony, my callings at church, my calling as a wife and mother, but something had to give.
I don't believe it is because of lack of faith that I find myself struggling now with the desire to continue going to church. I understand everything I need to do. I know everything I must do and will do. It is just so hard when you have tried so faithfully to keep going no matter what and then you find that all the trials were only for your own good, for our progress to continue.
Looking back at what I have taught my kids by my example, I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I wasn't the best example but yet glad that during all of it, I did remind them to not loose hope, faith and that things would get better.
It saddens me that they had to deal with so much and face some awful truths. They will be better prepared for their futures, they know now that they can also be strong and get through tough times. I don't want them to face hard things in life but at least they know they will come and they will find a way to come out of them too.
I don't think it is healthy to hide things from your kids, they need to know how everything works, they need to also realize that even though life is hard it can also be enjoyed.
I think Dan and I have done the best we can out of everything that was thrown at us. I just feel so tired now, I think it is OK to feel tired and burned out. I might look like a failure but I don't feel like it most of the time.
You see I have decided to give myself some time to heal, I am allowing myself to say it is OK if I don't cook dinner every night, it is OK if the laundry piles up on my bench or laundry basket. I have taught my kids to fend for themselves when it is necessary and they help me so much.
In doing this, my brain is being healed and my body is getting a break from the hard work that it has done. I don't feel guilty when I don't attend social gatherings, it is OK to be absent every once in a while. What I won't allow myself is to stop going to church completely, I won't allow my family to skip Family Home Evening because it helps us stay together and share special moments.
I am prioritizing our time as family though, and that some times means we stay home on Wednesday night to be together and work on things we need to. I am hoping for more time reading the scriptures together, more time studying them and making our testimonies grow

Making my way back

Wow, I just visited my blog and realized I posted a year ago... I feel so disappointed in myself for leaving my poor blog abandoned. I have so much so share and write about but there is not enough time to do it anymore.

I figured my lunch break should be enough to start writing again. But then you see I have laundry to take care of and some times grocery shopping or simply putting together a meal for dinner. So I will just write when I can and if I don't make it... oh well.

So many things have happened since I last posted. I am thinking one day I will upload pics and just update what has happened since I stopped updating my blog.

I guess you can tell these last few years have been very challenging and what was happening at the time required my full attention and the blog was just going to take time away from my family.

I have been working now for almost 4 years straight... I say almost because I did have a little break I after I quit my job at the dental office. But since the summer of 2016 I have been working at the same place. I started working cleaning houses and this year the opportunity came up for me to be the office manager for the same cleaning company. I have been doing this since February of this year. It has been a fun and exciting experience, learning how to lead a group of ladies that work hard and keeping our schedule full. I have to say that some times I feel really really underqualified for this position and know that my boss could do better but at the same time feel super grateful that she trusted me and gave me the opportunity to do it.

I love working for her and love the company itself. The work we do helps a lot of people in the area, they are happy and I want to keep doing that. I want Maid Zen to be known locally as the best cleaning company and hopefully it can be that way. 

Anyways, I am growing as a person and getting lots of experience in everything. I need to learn more and look forward to taking some classes at the community college so I can do better at my job.

So today is the first day of me getting back to blogging after being gone for  a very long time.

Supporting each other

So yesterday I did something that I had promised myself to never do again.  Having Facebook has been a blessing for me because I was able to find lots of family members and friends from back home that I had not had the chance to talk to for over decades... it was a happy place until it became a place to share whatever is on your mind and stat fights with each other when you do not agree with one another.  I used to defend my point of views but that only made things worse and then I ended up feeling mad at the other people, specially people from church that I had to see every Sunday and it was really hard.  Eventually I decided that I had to follow the golden rule, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, either that or quit Facebook all together. I can't quit Facebook I need to communicate with my family and share my pictures and adventures... so that is not an option, I can't unfriend everyone I don't agree with so I just hide the people that like to start confrontation and for a long time that has worked wonders for me.  Until yesterday, I made the mistake of reading something and letting it get to me,  Here is a little bit of the background on this story:
Yesterday was the STAAR test for all kids in the districts, well some grades at least.  I could care less about this test, in my house we have learned to not stress about it and we don't expect the kids to stress about it either, they are smart kids and have always done great (finger crossed that is still the case this year). I have taken the kids for a free breakfast that McDonalds provides on that day, it is fun and the kids look forward to it, so I shared a picture of the boys eating there yesterday.  I saw other moms that had one their breakfast from scratch and I commended them on it, they are awesome mothers, I didn't feel any less because I didn't do that.  You see we were just sharing a possitive thing that we do during a time when our kids have to go and spend hours at school being bored, my kids are done with their tests withing an hour or so and for the rest of the time they just sit there bored to death.  I wish I could keep them home but what would I be teaching them? That they can skip the hard or boring things in life because they feel like it?  I now that test doesn't test how smart they are, I know the reason behind the test so I send them so the school can get their funding and I honestly need them to learn to deal with life as it comes so later in life they can deal with bigger and harder things.  That is how I think  and it doesn't make me a better mom than the ones that chose to keep their kids home that day, you do what you feel is right for your kids. Having said that I didn't post my picture to make anyone else feel bad, I didn't post it to show how cool of a mom I am because I took them out to eat a free meal.... not at all, it was just a thing we did. What really made me feel bad was when I read a fellow mother post the following:
"This is us preparing hard this morning NOT to take the worthless STAAR test. So glad we homeschool and don't have to worry about that garbage. We will start school around 9am, actually learning -not stressing. We don't teach to a test in this house. We value real learning. Not wasted time due to a test." 
it was followed by a picture of her son sleeping ( I think he was sleeping he might not have been...) and I could not help but feel sad that she needed to use language such as "garbage" and the fact that she said she values "real learning". I can't lie to you it felt like a low blow to my stomach, after I had posted my picture with my boys...

I have nothing against mothers who chose to home school, I honestly respect them and I feel happy that they can do it with their kids, they have different circumstances with their kids, they do what they feel is important and I would never go to them and tell them anything that might make them feel they are doing a bad job raising and teaching their kids.  I commented on her wall and this was my comment" 


"Good for you!! I value real learning too, what a blessing that you can teach your kids at home... for all of us that can't we don't agree with the test but do what we can to get them ready for a stressful day. Have an awesome day with your kids!!"

As you can see my comment was not meant to offend, I was simply being supportive of her and the things they chose to do.  From there it exploded into a huge thing, with her friends saying awful things and even trying to convince me that I too could home school if I wanted to.  It got ugly really fast and eventually stopped reading all that crap because that is what it turned into.  I wasn't the only one that felt her choice of words were not the best but I never offended them at all.  
It is really sad that we can't support each other  in all we do.  I don't agree with everything everyone does, there is no way you can do that.  I chose to let my kids go to school because that is where they thrive and area happy, they have opportunities that I could never offer at home. I don't have the patience to teach all of them and their education would be lacking so much if I did.... it is just not for us but hey it might be for you and that is OK.

A friend recently decided to home school all her kids, it was the best choice for her,she seems happier now, her kids are learning and it is awesome, this friend also doesn't go on Facebook and trash us parents who don't home school, she gets it, she respects and supports me.  Just like I dd when she decided to do it, some people came to her wall and told her she should not do it, they were so mean and said she could not do it. Why are people like that? I just don't get it.  Simply support each other it is not that hard but most importantly respect each other.  I have learned my lesson, I will keep away from commenting on anything else. I don't want to create problems by wishing someone a good day. These days a simple thing can get you in trouble.  

A few weeks back I was sharing about my sons' room and how messy it was. I explained in my post that I had given them every chance to clean their room and now they were going to face the consequences... well a "friend" took it upon herself to judge me and start a comment by saying "I don't mean to offend you but..." THAT IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO!! if you don't want to offend me then don't, as simple as that.  She went on by saying how I wasn't going to teach them a lesson that I was doing everything for them... she just thought I was this horrible mom who doesn't teach them anything.  Of course I got offended and explained to her that in fact they were losing all fo their toys, that I was taking every single one of them and they did clean their room that day after I took everything out.  We all think we can do a better job at parenting, we just need to stick to what we do with our OWN kids and not look at our neighbors and compare ourselves thinking we are better. The world would be a better place.
It just makes me sad and frustrated. I am writing this on my blog so that I can remember how I felt about these incidents and hopefully in the future I can keep myself from making someone else feel about about themselves and their options. We need to be more Christ centered and avoid confrontation.

This is my family

Hello WWW, it has been a while (AGAIN) since I wrote on my blog... every time I hope to keep up with it but life gets in the way ha ha.  In all honesty there have been times that I was able to sit down and write but the words just don't come out right.  Like the other day I wrote this beautiful letter to my oldest daughter and she even read it, we both cried like crazy but never published it because it ended up being too personal.
Anyways we haven't really done much lately. We are glad when the weekend comes because we get to slow down and spend time with the kids. Dan is still working happily at Memorial Herman and that is a great thing, specially since he had to have a procedure done on Friday. It started a few months back when a cyst I guess got infected and he ended up with an abscess. I kept telling him to go see the doctor about it and he did eventually go and they gave him prescriptions to take for a week but it just wasn't getting any better so on Friday after work he stopped at the clinic again (thank goodness for insurance!!!) and the doctor proceeded to open it up and drain it. I will spare you the details on that and I am thankful that I wasn't present at that time because  it is jut not my thing. Although now I am taking care of the wound and it is not fun. Last night we changed the dressing for the first time and there was a lot of blood, this morning I had to help him take a string out of the wound that was there for some important reason I guess but I don't know what that reason was, all I know is that after I pulled on that string and it came out the blood has not stopped coming out at all.  I mean while at church he bleed through his shirt!!!  We came home to change the dressing again and it just would not stop bleeding.  Poor guy, I hope it heels soon because he is in a lot of discomfort and to top it all off he got a migraine too.  We are quite the pair.  I got hurt on Friday while cleaning the house and I am afraid my thumb might be sprained. We will see.
Last week was good, Thanksgiving was great and we had a big juicy turkey, awesome mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn and my awesome rolls, we also had apple pie. I was happy to have Dan home with us too. It felt really good to be together as a family.
Saturday morning we went out to get our family pictures done, Dan wanted to do a photo shoot with our Metallicca shirts on just for fun.  They turn out great but it is just funny how there is always a little bit of drama with the kids.  Victor is afraid of heights and since we were on a bridge he could not stop shaking and crying. It took so much to calm him down and eventually switch locations and our awesome background went away.... at least he wasn't crying in the pictures anymore.
So here are our pictures. Enjoy!!

Comic Palooza

Shayna had been planning for her first Comic adventure for a few months now.  She saved her own money for her outfit, accessories, tickets and expenses there.  She is one awesome girl, she went to the thrift store with her friends which was meant to be because she found her cool red purse, the hat she found at Walmart after weeks of deliberation on what to do about it, we could not find the right shade, shape or texture.... she bought a white one and I told her she could dye it at home.
Her dress of course was made by me and we were lucky to find the fabric at Hancock Fabric for 65% off since they are closing (boo!!!!).

For the dress we ran into a little hiccup, the buttons are way too expensive in my opinion and I wanted to saver her as much money as I could, so Hancock Fabrics to the rescue again, the buttons were on sale as well but they were white, so I suggested she could paint them with her sharpies... it worked and you can't even tell.

The shoes are mine (they are also from the thrift store), the make up took some practicing and the hair... well that was me too but I am not good at that so that's the best we could come up with. The whole process of getting this outfit together was really exciting and in the end we felt very accomplished.  Did she get the look? I think so.
Meet Shayna (Agent Carter).

She had lots of fun with her friends, wish we could have been there to see it all, she was asked by several people to get their picture taken with her. Lots of people complemented her on her outfit and someone walked by her saying "Hail Hydra" lol.
Hopefully next time we will go as a family.




 Now enjoy a bunch of pics because I think she is a beautiful girl and she doesn't  think so herself...I mean just look at her beautiful face, even without the smile she is gorgeous.

 Below is a really bad picture, not because of her but because I had the camera in the wrong setting, but I love her natural smile so there you go.

 I just love her, this look is really good on her :)

 And just because this is my normal child, silly who doesn't care about pictures, this is her in her natural state. Still I can't look that good even if I tried.