New Year, New Goals.

Since I am sick and no willing do anything at all and basically just waiting for my medication to start working and get sleepy... I am going to bore you with my thoughts.
Last year was a tough year for me, I had a few challenges that broke me down to the core and thought that I would never be able to get up again and keep moving forward. When you add the extra things that life throws at you then it just seems like there is no end to your suffering.
I don't consider my trials and tribulations to be harder than anyone else but in my world they are mine to bear and mine to deal with so yes they seem big enough and more than I can carry at times.
In the process of getting myself to feel better I found out that if you let the Lord help you the load does become a little lighter, if you let people help you by listening then the load does get even lighter.
I have written this post so many times before but I kept myself from publishing it because I was so mad at the time and reading them again I can see that the place where I was hiding was not pretty at all.

First of all let me start by saying that I do not consider myself the perfect human being, I am far from it and I have never portrayed myself as perfect.  If you take a good close look at me you can see that I am needy, whiny and annoying.  My poor husband has to deal with me on a daily basis and that is how I know he loves me because he puts up with me other wise he is just plain crazy. I might seem a little over achiever at times, too much going on at once. Lots of projects in the works, lots of them sitting on my shelves undone and lots more in my head. I was telling a friend this week that this is my way of keeping things off my mind, if I think too much then I can go back to getting all depressed about my problems.

In the process of trying to find a good friendship I pretty much lost myself and affected my family as well. Last year I had a best friend and lost her all at once. It all happened so fast and it almost feels as if I was hit with something and suddenly I woke up trying to make sense of what happened.
It will forever be a mystery to me how things went so wrong so fast. For months I blamed myself for everything, things were said to me that made me feel less than scum, the behavior from this  person showed to me that I was never a true friend to her and that all I had done that was good was being turned into evil somehow.  I started to believe this person that I was not good enough, that I was a bad mother, wife and friend and thus had a bad husband, bad family and bad friends. The picture that was painted of me seemed like a monster and it scared me so much. That's when I hit the bottom and entered into what I could see as the beginning of a deep depression.  I felt so alone even though I had my family right there with me. Sure I talked to Dan about it and he understood me and while trying to make sense of it seemed difficult to him too. I mean the whole thing affected the entire family.
I was spending my days laying down on the couch with no desire to do anything, talk to anybody, I just wanted to sleep every day for a long time.  Eventually I told my mother about what was going on and slowly started to accept things as they were. My mom was able to point out that I was not that evil person I thought I was.  I was able to go back and see how the evil had been done to me instead and how this person had so much poison to spread around about EVERY single person she came in contact with and that is how my eyes were opened.  Finally it kind of made sense, after taking a hard look at the trail she had left behind I could see that others had suffered and were suffering just as I had been. It gave me the strength to rebuild myself and dig myself out of that hole that was not very pretty.
It took months to get better, Dan kept listening to me, my mom kept talking to me and cheering me up and although I had vow to never ever have friends again I let myself out of my shell and started to trust others again. I have found that there are some good people out there that are willing to listen and be kind and loving, people that are what they seem and do not hide behind a fake smile.
I had to be strong for my own daughter who ended up down the same path I did as her best friend happened to be my best friend's daughter and sadly chose to follow the same sick and strange behavior that was damaging not only to my kid but several other friends. 
She is also struggling with this issues still but we are doing it together and coming out stronger than before.
So this is my story for last year, the one that will probably remain in my head so vividly and the one that has taught me so much in the end. 
We truly need to remember to follow the commandments, to do onto others as we would like to be treated. Love one another... as simple as that.
And so my main goal for this year is exactly that, to be kind to others no matter what, not expecting anything in return just doing it because in doing so we are showing our love for Heavenly Father. I can only imagine how disappointed he was with me when my behavior was not what it should have been. I can only imagine how much he suffered as he saw me in pain because I could see that with my own kid. 
This year I want to be able to look back 12 months from now and say that I was able to be kind to many and create a never ending chain of good deeds to others, I am going to be open to opportunities to serve and seek out those who are alone. I will surround myself with kind  people to strive to lift others up not bring them down.
My goals are many but they are doable, I have written them down for my personal progress but this one on this post is my own personal theme for the year. I want to be better than I was last year, I want to do better.

The Zoo and My Birthday

I am doing a special post about my birthday but the reason is because it was the first time for Kahlan as a toddler and she actually enjoyed the

Aaron woke up sick that day so we took him with us and he did pretty good for a sick boy. I told Dan we didn't have to go anywhere but he wanted to me to have a good day and I am glad we went, it was fun. Aaron only threw up once in the car and he enjoyed the whole day, it had been a long time since we did something with just him anyways.

 We found a fat squirrel, it was really fat!!

 Dan admiring our cousins the monkeys.

 She was so happy to see all the animals in real life.

 I love these pics, they are priceless.

 We were in for a treat, the lions were being fed and they got pretty close for us to look at them. It is kind of scary to see them eat those bones though.

 Rediscovering the drums.

 So fun to be the only ones getting all the attention :)

 Even us the adults were enjoying the Zoo and the weather, it was so nice to not melt at Zoo for once.

 My and my littles.

 We were able to pet a couple of critters and see some interesting looking things on display.

 Of course we had to do the tunnels in the prairie dog area and let Kahlan run around in the playground.

 The elephants were the big thing for her, she really likes them and she even got to see one poop right in front of her lol. And last but not least Aaron enjoying himself in the tunnels by the fish tanks.  That was pretty cool and funny.  Once again, thanks Dan for a wonderful day!!!

Long Over Due Update!!

 (This update was written about a month ago or so...) Pics are all over the place but you get the idea....

I can't believe I have gone this long without posting anything on here but in my defense these last two months have been the craziest during the year so far....
Let start with Tristan's birthday.  He turned 9 in the month of September and had a great time celebrating.  Here are some pics to show how excited he was.

Then we have our boy Aaron who turned 7 and was also very excited and this year he got a great birthday party.  He was absolutely happy with all his special guests... no boys could make it to the party so he was the one and only boy.  It was trully an awesome party and he will remember it for years to come.

We also had the Rain gutter Regatta some time in September and Tristan had a lot of fun competing, he didn't win a single race I don't think but he had a blast anyways.

In October we had our yearly Trunk or Treat and once again I did all of my kids costumes. Dan and I didn't get to wear a new outfit since it is still in the making.  We also went out on Halloween night in our neighborhood and the kids got a decent amount of candy. They were really happy since their friends were able to go out with us that night. It was really fun.

Turns out that I missed Aaron learning how to ride his bike... let me rephrase that, he was finally brave enough to go out and do it.  I had been teaching him how to do it for over two years but no success.  Every time we went out there he would give up after 5 minutes and go back inside the house all sad and crying.  I eventually gave up on the idea of him ever learning and then a couple of weeks ago they tell me he finally did it.  I missed it and I hate the fact that I did but we are so happy for him.  He is a pro now.


Dan and I also got a year older and although I can't find pictures of his birthday we did celebrate at home quietly and I made him a banana cake with chocolate ganache. I don't think he particularly liked the chocolate part but he did mentioned the banana bread was yummy :)  For my birthday we went to the Zoo and afterwards to my favorite restaurant from Guatemala, Pollo Campero.  It recently went through some changes and we are not super excited about it but at least they still serve the same fried chicken with the same flavor from back home.  I can't believe Dan and I are 37 years old already, it sure doesn't feel that way.

I have been too busy sewing lately so hopefully things will slow down soon and  can go back to writing more often, I miss it. I am in the process of getting my crafty blog more famous and it is a lot of work but I have some exciting projects in the making and I am getting to know a lot of famous PDF pattern designers in the WWW.  I was chosen to make a dress for a famous pattern blog and I they will have a link on their page directing them to my review of a pattern some time next year... exciting developments indeed.

My Poor Neglected Blog... let's start with Christmas!!

I promise myself I would sit down and write down on my blog more often. The only problem is that if I start with what has happened in the last three months I will never make to our Christmas post. So we will wait for the rest to follow.
We have had a wonderful month, getting ready for Christmas and figuring out what to get for the kids. This year has been a little different for us and our Christmas was not our traditional thing at all. I am sure it will be better next year but in the end I think it went pretty well.
Having kids that are getting older is definitely a little harder in the shopping department. I rather buy presents for little ones, they are way easier to please.
On Christmas Eve Dan had to work all day so we didn't see him until he got home some time around 5:30. I was in the shower when he got home since I had been sewing all day long to finish some home made presents for the kids. As soon as I got out of the shower we went down to Steven's house and did our usual reenactment of the birth of Jesus, we played Christmas songs with chimes or bells which is really fun, the kids exchanged presents with their cousins and then the adults sang Christmas songs around the piano (and what a piano that is).  I left my camera at home so we don't have any pics, they are all on my phone :)
We left the house in a hurry and the kids didn't have dinner before we left, to be honest we didn't have our traditional Christmas Eve dinner because it went bad.... I will keep the details to myself but trust me my entire plan for the both days ended up in the trash....so sad.
On the way home around 9:00 pm we went looking for food since we had nothing at home and after trying McDonald's which of course was closed we convinced Dan to take us to Denny's, we knew it would be open and they had a special menu thanks to the Hobbit movie. Long story short, the kids ate free and we had a wonderful unusual Christmas Eve dinner.  I told Dan this was the first and last time that would ever happen but I am grateful there was a way to fill our tummies for the night.  We hurried home and sent the little ones to bed while Dan and I finished wrapping presents and making sure Santa would find the stockings on the couch.
We got up around 7:15 and enjoyed watching them look at their stockings and what Santa brought them. We opened presents, had some Pero for breakfast with some yummy treats from Santa and then watched a nice Christmas movie as a family or most of the family did :)
Our Christmas meal was actually a funny one, at least for me. The entire family decided on having Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes. That was an easy fix and I added some extra garlic bread to the mix.  They all enjoyed it and had plenty to eat, Dan was so nice about it and seemed quite happy with the results.
The kids played all day long with their toys, made loud noises and came to show us what they were doing with their new Legos.  I think they really enjoyed the day. Kahlan actually got her own personal tablet and took some pictures with it already.  She loved the stick horse I made for her and the rest of the presents.
I feel really proud of my kids for being resourceful this year and instead of buying presents for each other like they usually do. They went and looked for things they know they like from each other, some were really precious to them but were willing to part with them and they wrapped them themselves. They all had extra presents under tree and seemed to appreciate it them. Shayna got extra presents for her siblings too with her babysitting money and I think her presents were a really big hit around here.  It is nice to see how much they love each other.
In the afternoon the kids wanted to watch a special Dr Who show they had been waiting for and since Dan  and I are not interested Shayna offered to babysit for us and we were able to go to the movies with Dan. It was really nice and much needed after all the hard work!!
I am really thankful for all the wonderful things I have witnessed  this months, for the small little miracles and the love and support of friends and family.
We are hoping everyone had a wonderful Christmas too. Now for some pics....

 The battle field!!

 Waiting patiently for her turn.

 Oh yeah soldiers and guns.

 A tablet holder made by me :)

 Sister love!!

 The older kids got magic wands and intermediately got  to use them.

 Tablet holder for Victor.

 Coloring and crayon tote made by me :)

 Sketch and dry erase holder made by me :)

 And the Sparkles the stick horse.

Victor got his own pistol :)

 Kahlan and her pile of presents.

 The rest of the gang.